HOW THE COMMUNITY CAN RESPOND:
You can help if you suspect that someone you know is living in an abusive relationship.

Your support of someone who is being abused can make a critical difference. If she feels supported and encouraged, she may feel stronger and more able to make decisions. If she feels judged or criticized, she could be afraid to tell anyone else about the abuse again.   

• Fears his/her partner or is always anxious to please him or her.
• Stops seeing friends or family, cuts phone conversations short when the partner is in the room, citing the partner’s “jealousy” or “possessiveness.”
• Is criticized or humiliated in front of other people; partner makes all the decisions (for example, controls all the money, controls who she can see and what she can do).
• Exhibits physical injuries (bruises, broken bones, sprains, cuts etc.) and may give unlikely explanations for them.
• Is reluctant to leave his/her children with the partner; the children are anxious or afraid of the partner.
• Gets harassed, followed or obsessively called by the partner after leaving the relationship.

• Fear of what the abuser will do or that the abuse will get worse if they leave. The abuser may have threatened to harm himself, her, her relatives, or the children, pets or property.
• Dependence on the abuser for a place to live, access to money or transportation and for assistance if disabled; experiences feelings of powerlessness, isolation and loneliness.
• Love (since the abuser might not be violent all the time), a commitment to the relationship or a belief that marriage is forever, “for better or worse.”
• Pressure from family, community or religious creed to stay.
• Faith that the abuser will change, stop drinking and then stop beating, etc.
• Guilt – she thinks the abuse is her fault.

• LISTEN: Without judging, respect her decisions, and help her to find ways to become stronger and safer.
• BELIEVE: Take it seriously. Tell her she is brave. It will have taken a lot for her to talk to you. People are much more likely to downplay the abuse than to make it up or exaggerate. Don’t underestimate the danger she may be in.
• PROVIDE INFORMATION: Remind her that if she calls a help line, she will get support and information. They won’t pressure her to leave if she doesn’t want to.
• DEVELOP A SAFETY PLAN: Help her to think about what she can do and how to protect herself. Identify “safe” areas at home with more than one exit and no items that can become weapons;Identify and tell trustworthy neighbors in case she needs help; Have an easily accessible phone; Keep some money, copies of important papers for her and children and a change of clothes hidden or in care of a friend if she decides to go to a shelter. Plan what to do about the children if they are at school, asleep, etc., and practice the safety plan with them.
• OFFER PRACTICAL ASSISTANCE: Mind the children, cook a meal, offer her a safe place to stay, transportation or to accompany her to court.
• SUPPORT HER AFTER SHE HAS LEFT THE RELATIONSHIP: The period of separation can be dangerous as the abuse may increase. She may need practical support and encouragement as she starts a new life. Help her find counseling or join a support group.
• VOLUNTEER, DONATE and SUPPORT organizations and agencies that help victims of domestic crime. Go to erasedomesticcrime.com or phone 545-4357 for opportunities and places to help.
• REPORT domestic crime. If you witness or overhear physical violence or threats and believe there is immediate physical danger to any adult or child, dial the police at 911 immediately.

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